I'm looking forward to the Future.

I'm looking forward to the future. I really didn't suspect that I would be, considering the circumstances that I am currently under. But I am. I haven't made all the decisions, and I haven't fully looked at every option into detail. But I my best friend told me last night to "Fuck it. Be happy, and don't do anything stupid." Those little, inappropriate words tell me that I have to just let go of everything wrong, or what could happen. Stop looking to the future, and just be. See what happens, and hope that nothing turns out for the worst. I can't fully explain any situation that I am in. But maybe I need to realize, a little more often that I am surrounded by beautiful people who love me, and they always make me happy. So here are to my friends, and here is to the summer of 2009!

I'm done

Lately, life has been hard. And I realize that life is never supposed to be a breeze. Life is short, it's hard, it's painful, it's definitely not easy. To me, I think life isn't about how you spend you life, it's who you spend it with ... whatever you are doing. That's all that matters. And even though it may be a littly bumpy or very rough you should always find that silver lining. Be happy, and laugh as much as possible. There are going to be low points but you have to rise the high ones, and there are so many. It's always a great thing to take chances, but to be wise and knowledgable. 

So I say: Look for the good in others, speak only words of kindness. Follow you heart, laugh your heart out, dance in the rain, cherish every moment, ignore some of the pain. You must live, laugh, love, forgive and forget because life is too short to live with any regrets

There comes a time in life when you have to let go of all the pointless drama and the people who create it. You gotta surround youself with people who make you laugh so hard that you forget everything bad.

I've made mistakes in my life. I've let people take advantage of me and i accepted way less than i deserve but, i've learned from my bad choices and even though there are some things i can never get back and people who will never be sorry. i'll know better next time and i won't settle for anything less than i deserve. 

I just realize what life is about now. And I'm going to always believe.

Words of Wisdom

A wise friend once told me that no man is worth your tears. And I have recently realized that any person in the world can listen to the words and wisdom of others. But no one will be okay until they have come to peace with themseleves. You can take revenge, you can sob for days, you can go on dates and ignore the world. But things happen around you, and people change. Is it true that only time can heal most. And only time is what will cure any pain that has been felt. When you are young everything seems to be the end of the world, but it isn't, it's the beginning. It is hard for anyone to deal with a death, a break up, or a friendship ending. But only time can heal it, no matter how you deal with it, you should always remember to never be stupid. Stay level headed, keep your cool, and always be the bigger person. These words may not help all. But they are definitely words that everyone should take into consideration. 

So much...

You know what shocks me? How much time and effort, blood, sweat and tears you can put into a relationship. And then, amazingly in one second you can be wiped out of that person's life so fast. Whether it is a click of a button or ignorance, it amazes me how fast you can never exist. You can be there in spirit, and you can try to be existent to anyone, but if they don't want you to visible to everyone they can delete you right out of their lives. You may not be completely gone, but it is the little things that you noticed, that mattered the most. 

It awe's me that you can spend an entire day thinking about how lucky you got with the person you are with, and how much you love them and everything about them... down to how they chew their gum. Then hours later, maybe even minutes they can break down your entire world. They can kill you future hopes and dreams by not being sure, but balancing your relationship on an "if." When did we start being so insensitive, and start deleting the loved one's out of our lives? Why is it that the people who seem to care the most always get shafted, deleted or the ultimatums?

Why can we never be forgiven? People say: forgive and forget. But do they ever really forgive and forget? It is true that I can forgive and forget, I actually have been quite good at not holding grudges over heads. Except I have not been that fortunate. I feel like an outcast, a nobody, someone who is not trusted, loved, or forgiven. It is impossible to make everything better in one night. But only one can hope that he will see the light of a dark tunnel. And hopefully we can not only be girlfriend and boyfriend but best friends again. I want him, for everything he is. Not something he feels he has to be. And I need to be forgiven. It's imperative -before it doesn't work. I need it. 

Gone in a flash.

Have you ever had your heart broken? Even if it was unintentional, it is possible that anyone can get their heart broken at any time. People say mean things, or things that may hurt your feelings. Sometimes they mean it, sometimes they don't, and sometimes the person breaking hearts doesn't have a very good reason. It's possible to feel like a horrible person very often when you heart is broken by the one person who you thought loved you back, or would never hurt you. It such an terrible feeling that your heart feels when that someone you loved, and trusted and believed in breaks your heart. You can get over heart break fast or slow. It's true when people say only time heals pain. It depends on how much time you need. And how fast those tears cry. I guarantee that you will feel a loss for a long time, but that is because you opened your heart up to someone you thought loved you on the same level. That feeling of loss won't go away because you have had to let something go, not necessarily by choice. But it is wise to always remember that you have friends that will love you and support you unconditionally no matter how much that one person said they would, and didn't. How is it possible to feel so unloved in one night? How is it possible to have all your dream broken down in one night? How can someone kill your future in one night? 

I don't know how they do it. But it is possible. I could tell you the pain. 

Last Weeks.

I recently became sick, which as most of you know has been balls for me! I can't believe I am so sick! I had a constant fever, I could barely move, I was coughing and sneezing. I hated it. Once I got my mobility back, I didn't hate it so much, getting loved on by my parents. But the constant coughing and the fevers always bring me down. I actually got exempt from my exams after being sent to the emergency room for being so sick. So of course, just my luck the doctor tells me I have the Flu and Mono! Yay me. It's okay, I'm feeling better, and it's stress relieving that I don't have to worry about exams I would have failed. But what just really clicked in is that I missed my last week of senior year. Well, my last two weeks. This is balls. I will never get to tell anyone how much fun I had my last year. I didn't get to sit in class with my friends and eat junk food and talk about how we are finally done and moving onto bigger and better things. I didn't get the opportunity as everyone else. Granted, I'm coming back for another semester, but you can't measure up leaving your school senior year to leaving at the end of Semester 1 of year 5. What is that? That's crap! That's what that is. I don't get to hug my friends bye, or get my shirt written on. I don't get to sign the yearbooks, or be in the last pictures. I miss it. I miss it all. And I really wish, for the first time in my life that I didn't miss out on school. :'(

Stand-Up Chap!

I once saw a couple in a movie, and they said that the reason why they had been together for over 50 years was because they never went to bed angry. My boyfriend ladies and gentlemen, now he is a stand-up guy. He's the prince charming to help with everything, he is what ever single ladies wants, and needs. And I guess you could say that I don't always appreciate him. I always love him. I always will. But when I get mad! Boy, I get mad. I do realize that you shouldn't go to bed angry at one another, and I always try and not be. But sometimes, I can't help it. He will say something so upsetting, that I can't handle it! I love him, and I want him to know that and trust me. But what happens when the three most important words don't come out? Whether it's due to lack of oxygen, or capability. What happens when the one you love doesn't hear it?

What happened to the perfect spouses, in the fifties? Why have women become so manly, that they cannot keep in touch with their perfect feminine side? And even if we do try, what happens when we don't succeed? Do we dig ourseleves into a bigger hole? Or do we just carry on like nothing wrong ever happens? When did women start growing penis'?

Kids Who Play With Fire, Pee Their Pants!

I was in my kitchen recently, well about a half hour ago, and I was playing with incense. Fire stick, smoke sticks, scent burner, whatever you wish to call it, i was playing with it. My mother did not find it so amusing. In fact, she told me I was going to pee my pants. Because "Children who play with fire, pee their pants!" I asked her what the HECK she was talking about, and she decided to share with me that she was superstitious. I knew she was, but I didn't know she could recite every single one. 

The most common superstitions are: Friday the 13th is an unlucky day, if a black cat crosses your bath you will have bad luck, if you break a mirror it will bring SEVEN years of bad luck.

Anyways, i wanted to know, who was the originator of these wild comments, and why are we forced to listen to them?