So much...

You know what shocks me? How much time and effort, blood, sweat and tears you can put into a relationship. And then, amazingly in one second you can be wiped out of that person's life so fast. Whether it is a click of a button or ignorance, it amazes me how fast you can never exist. You can be there in spirit, and you can try to be existent to anyone, but if they don't want you to visible to everyone they can delete you right out of their lives. You may not be completely gone, but it is the little things that you noticed, that mattered the most. 

It awe's me that you can spend an entire day thinking about how lucky you got with the person you are with, and how much you love them and everything about them... down to how they chew their gum. Then hours later, maybe even minutes they can break down your entire world. They can kill you future hopes and dreams by not being sure, but balancing your relationship on an "if." When did we start being so insensitive, and start deleting the loved one's out of our lives? Why is it that the people who seem to care the most always get shafted, deleted or the ultimatums?

Why can we never be forgiven? People say: forgive and forget. But do they ever really forgive and forget? It is true that I can forgive and forget, I actually have been quite good at not holding grudges over heads. Except I have not been that fortunate. I feel like an outcast, a nobody, someone who is not trusted, loved, or forgiven. It is impossible to make everything better in one night. But only one can hope that he will see the light of a dark tunnel. And hopefully we can not only be girlfriend and boyfriend but best friends again. I want him, for everything he is. Not something he feels he has to be. And I need to be forgiven. It's imperative -before it doesn't work. I need it.