Bugger Off!

Have I ever told you what I love? I love when people get under my skin for fun. I'm a pretty light hearted person, but if you know how to push my buttons, and you do it on purpose. You've accomplished a major... I don't know, but you've definitely accomplished something. Only a few people in my life have mastered this skill. My home family, they definitely know how to do it. The parental unit definitely know how to do it, and they love to use it. My sister and brother, they rarely use it, but they know how to do it as fast as possible. My best friends at home, never do it. I love them for that. People here, at this school. Notorious for it. They all do it. They find that one button and press it over and over and over again, until I snap. I don't enjoy snapping; because when I do... Boy oh boy! I surely am peeved! Don't talk about music, or put me down, or make me doubt myself. I hate it. When I know something, I know it. Unless you're a goddamn expert, you should stop, because I won't back down. And if I stop, that means I'm rattled, pissed to say the least, you probably don't want to be anywhere near me.. like not even a foot near me. Because I will, inevitably, knock you out or say something I instantly regret.

They Don't See

No one need to know how we feel,

No one needs to understand.

Only we can have a hold on us,

It's not just any kind of love.

They don't see,

We are right where we want to be.

I think that we could be something

that is more expect.

We both run when we're hurting.

The past can't have a hold on us.

For you,

My heart will give it's trust.

I don't ask much of you.

I just need your love.

Make Me Blush

You openly admit,

The things you like more are from me

Somehow I find it attractive that you won't censor anything.

With you there is no filter,

To sugar coat what is said.

Even though I like your honesty,

It won't lead me to your bed.

TOOODAY.

Today my heart started to glow. It scared me. Last night, it was beating fast and I didn't even realize it. I'm actually scared of this. I was fine and used to being alone. I'm not used to this. I don't want to get excited over nothing. I don't want to worry. I love this feel at the beginning. But fear has taken over. My heart has sunk back into my spleen. Maybe I'm still too young for this. I can't listen to other people and what they think. I need to leave their opinions out of it. And just go for what I think. But what if I'm wrong? I'm scared.

Can you see them?

Can you see them?

They're flying in the air...

It happens when your heart beats faster.

It happens when your hands shake.

It happens when you stutter.

And you can't walk straight.

It happens when you think before every move.

Can you see them now?

They're flying in the air...

It's rude interruptions when you talk.

It's standing too close.

It's when you whisper soft and slow.

It's when you pass little notes.

Can you see them now?

They're flying in the air...

It happens when you smile.

It happens when you kiss on the sidewalk.

It happens when you stare for a little while.

It happens through every little talk.

Can you see them now?

They're flying in the air...

Sparks.

What happened when I came to school...

About two years ago I could describe myself as dependent, unreliable, stupid and fearful. Now, two years later I can describe myself as independent, responsible, smart, fearless and confident. Other than those few changes, a big change in me has been my self-consciousness. I used to be self-conscious in grade seven and eight. In high school, I was fearless until grade 12, when everything went downhill.

But now, starting my first year of university, I can feel the change. I can physically feel the dopamine in my head working to make me a happier, healthier person. However, since I've gotten here, this cold place I now call my home... it has made me self-conscious. So self-conscious, that when I look in the mirror all I see is terrible things. I remember, when I used to get ready for a party I used to think "You look great! Time to go!" But now, I look in the mirror and all I see, all the time is "You look hideous. Hideous. Hide your face." That's what my body tells me. Why does tell me these things? I feel like such an attention seeker from my friends and peers. I will spend extra time doing my hair and makeup, almost like I'm fishing for a comment. I can't muster up the littlest amount of self-esteem.

Is it self-esteem I'm lacking? I don't know. I don't think it's a need to get complimented, because I can live without it. I just want to know why, when I look in the mirror I see a deformed, hideous face with pimples and flaws up the wah-zoo. When I look at my body, all I see is a potatoe. All I can see is my body, terribly shaped-in the worst way. I don't know why I see myself this way now. When I look at old pictures, not even a year ago, I can say I looked great. I see a picture from two months ago, and all I see is beast. Ugly, terrifying face.

Who would like this face and body? Who would want to talk to me? I know why people talk to me.. It's because I am cheerful and happy and pleasant. I am happy with the friends and family that I have. I am happy and at peace for everything I have and everything that life has dealt for me. Except me.

Behind the bright eyes and the bushy tail, I don't see anything worth ... anything. This is what happened when I came to school...

Sisters.

You make best friends less best.

My sister is coming to the Soo today.

Today! In approximately eight hours, she'll be here, with me.

I can't wait to see her.

I always knew we loved each other, but I never realized how much.

I never realized how much I needed her.

She's my shining light.

My beacon of hope.

She's the only one who can make everything better.

She's the littlest thing that will make me shine brighter.

She's my flame and my role model.

All in one.

She's what everyone needs in their life.

She's my sister.

Coming to uplift my soul & make me more confident.

She's my sister.

My sister is perfect.

Give it up.

I feel as though I have been defending you for too long.

For reasons unknown.

Maybe it was more then what we wanted.

It was more then what I bargained for.

This is not what we agreed to.

It is hard to understand what happened.

From perfect and ideal,

To horrible and nothing.

We are nothing.

We were nothing.

Tell the truth.

Give it up.

It's turned into a mess.

Calling

Do you have it? Do you know it? Do you know what you want to be when you're "all grown up?" Have you had that feeling, that calling... that sense that you were meant for something, and you knew at that moment or at that point in time that you knew what you wanted to do with your life?

I was recently told that I have four potential pathways of life. Four. I don't know how well you know me by now, but I'm not very decisive. When it comes to me, I don't know what I want or what I have a knack for ... for shit. My friends know what they are good at, what the can advance in and what they understand the best. For me... It's the complete opposite. I'm okay at everything, good at somethings. But I'm not great or amazing at anything in particular. The only thing that I know I'm good at is tolerating bullshit, and laughing really loudly. Both things I can't help.

So my question is to you... what do you do, when you don't know what to do?

Holding Back

So I've been telling my friend(s) that I have insecurities. I don't tend to open up to people, the only person who really knows me well is my sister. She's the only person who can basically know what I'm feeling without having to ask me or talk to me. She knows what I feel, why I feel it and she tries to get me out of funks or feeling sad or bad or mad. She's the only thing that can really stop the madness in my head. I actually decided to open up to more then my sister, it was really hard because I don't know how my friends will take it or even if they are willing to understand what I feel. I feel as though I have more problems then a nineteen-year-old should have. Is that reasonable to think that I'm a nut job? I guess it's alright - if it's true.

Anyways, the point is that I physically told myself it's been over a month, and they aren't grossly sick of spending all this time with you, so you HAVE to start telling them the way you feel and what makes you tick. They can't just know the bubbly you, the you that everyone sees and loves until the realize you're a freakin crack-pot on the inside. They need to learn what is behind the smile and wide eyes. So I finally built up the courage to start talking. And the best part is - they or she, understands and makes me feel better about myself. My friends will never be my sister, but they are slowly becoming people that I will be close to and rely on for the rest of my life. I was recently told that I am more independent then I think. I know that I am independent, and I know I will most likely rely on myself - because in the end that's all you've got, is you and you alone. But without them (her), I don't know if I would really find anybody to tell these things too.

After telling her one more thing about the way I feel, I was reading through old things I used to write when I was a kid on the computer, and found a quote that I either saved or created. I love it. I think it's good. It's really descriptive of what I am and what I want.

love me without fear. trust me without doubts. love me without restrictions. want me without demand. accept me how i am.

So I Suck...

My friend Stephanie Babcock also has a blog, and if you can't tell by now.. I haven't really been updating it. I haven't really found any down time until right now. I find my nights sleepless because of many reasons and my mind filled with thoughts of insecurities and questionable motives to life. Steph, is always updating her blog, putting time and effort into it. However, I have been a bitch - as most people would say, neglecting it. I am now, officially putting forth the effort to continue and finish the projects that remain incomplete, fix the posts that don't make sense and to use this blog to pour my heart and thoughts out for the world, or not a soul to read and take in.

Project: Blog it up! Has started!

University

I didn't think that I would like university that much. But for some reason - I think it's what I needed. I needed to get away from Mississauga, a place with too much drama, and family... Filled with friends that were slowly becoming enemies. I couldn't wait to leave. And now I know why. This is what I needed.

I Want Someone To Love Me

I want someone to love me for who I am.

I want someone to need me. Is that so bad?

I want to break up madness, but it's all I have.

I want someone to love me.

For who I am.

Nothing makes sense, nothing makes sense anymore.

Nothing is right, nothing is right when you're gone.

I'm losing my breath, I'm losing my right to be wrong.

I'm fighting to death...

Control

Another cigarette and I'm so bored aren't making sense,

And I was taken, but you were waiting,

One more drink and I'm convinced.

Let your hair down,

No will know.

I feel just like taking control, of the night, of the night,

Woah, I feel just like we're losing control,

But if you let go, I'll let go tonight.

Another minute lived,

If you take me I'll take what you will give.

I was late, and she kept waiting,

But I hope she knows where I've been.

Let you hair down, no one will know.

Day Eleven.

Day Ten.

A PHOTO THAT YOU HAVE TAKEN OVER TEN YEARS AGO.

I don't think that I was even able to use a camera ten years ago. If I was, I definitely don't remember a photo that I took.

Day Nine.

A Photo That You Took.

A photo that I took, and that I love is one of the Colosseum. It's vertical photo of the Colosseum and the way I took the picture it appears that the clouds are coming out of it. It was by chance. And I love it.

Day Eight.

A photo that makes you angry or sad.

I don't think I have a particular picture that can make me angry or sad. I did see a picture today that made me extra sad, because it was of this young girl that is sick, she has cancer and has done nothing to deserve to be so sick. I wish her better.

Day Seven

A Photo That Makes You Happy

A photo that makes me giggle shitless and always, without a doubt, can bring a smile to ANYONE'S face is... Drum roll please! The picture of my sister, as a baby, on my parents old bed, with her goofy smile and her sprinkler pony tail. She was the cutest baby! In. The. World. One day, I'll upload it. You will see, and you will smile at it.

Day Six

Whatever...

I don't know what to write for today, but I can tell you this... Tomorrow, Monday, June 7th, 2010, at approximately 9 o'clock in the morning; my sister, Alida is graduating. She is someone I aspire to be.

Day Five

Favourite Quote

Once again, I'm being consistent about being inconsistent... I don't have a favourite quote... I love a tonne of them; here's a short list:

- your smile, puts the city lights in my heart.

- you never know how strong you are... until being strong is the only choice you have.

- love life.

- there's always a little truth behind every, "just kidding,"a little knowledge behind every, "i don't know, " a little emotion behind every, "i don't care," and a little pain behind every, "it's okay."

- someday someone will walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.

- life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So, love the people who treat you right, forgive the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said it'd be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.

- love me without fear. trust me without doubts. love me without restrictions. want me without demand. accept me how i am.

- being happy doesn't mean everything is perfect. it means you've decided to see beyond the imperfections.

- when the world says "give up," hope whispers "try it one more time."

- be strong now, because things will get better. it might be stormy now, but it can't rain forever.

- live for the moments you can't put into words.

- slow down. breath. love.

- be the change you wish to see in the world.

- i am too positive to be doubtful; too optimistic, to be fearful; and too determined to be defeated.

- what's meant to be will always find its way.

Okay, I can't write anymore. Enjoy those for now.

Day Four

Favourite Book

Do I have a favourite book? I do remember the first book I ever finished, we were sitting at the airport, going to L.A. I believe, and it was called South Beach. I was so happy that I finished it. Thus far, I haven't really taken to one book in particular. I do know for sure that I can read continuously read A Christmas Carol, over and over again. It's a beautiful book that paints a slightly different picture every single time you read it. Oh! If you don't know who it's by... it's Charles Dickens :] Read it. Love it. I promise, you will.

Day Three

Your favourite television program.

Currently, I'm loving "Criminal Minds," but that is just an intense show. One show that I'm addicted to is "Vampire Diaries." I've never been one for fantasy stories, or ones involving faeries (yes-- I know I spent it "faeries") or vampires. But I do love "The Vampire Diaries," it's just so juicy and good and it keeps you hooked onto every single episode. In the past/my all time favourite show would have to be Gilmore Girls, and then Buffy the Vampire Slayer or Full House. But Gilmore Girls has always held a special place in my heart. The funniest part about Gilmore Girls is that I can probably recite every episode.

Day Two

Your Favourite Movie

Once again, I don't have a favourite movie. I have favourite movies. It goes down to "Back to the Future," "Star Wars: I-VI," and "Son-in-Law." Each one of them I hold dear to my heart because they all carry a story with them.

Day One

Favourite Song

My favourite song changed on a day to day basis. I don't really ever go back to one song all the time, there are certain artists that strike up certain emotions. Currently I'm addicted to listening to the band Phoenix. They are just awesome, the perfect mix of alternative that I love to have blaring through my Skull Candy headphones. Yet, there is one Taylor Swift song (other then all her others) that I will always be in the mood to listen to, Crazier.

I'm Doing It!

I'm doing the 30 Day June Challenge!

Day 01 — Your favorite song
Day 02 — Your favorite movie
Day 03 — Your favorite television program
Day 04 — Your favorite book
Day 05 — Your favorite quote
Day 06 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 07 — A photo that makes you happy
Day 08 — A photo that makes you angry/sad
Day 09 — A photo you took
Day 10 — A photo of you taken over ten years ago
Day 11 — A photo of you taken recently
Day 12 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 13 — A fictional book
Day 14 — A non-fictional book
Day 15 — A fanfic
Day 16 — A song that makes you cry (or nearly)
Day 17 — An art piece (painting, drawing, sculpture, etc.)
Day 18 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 19 — A talent of yours
Day 20 — A hobby of yours
Day 21 — A recipe
Day 22 — A website
Day 23 — A YouTube video
Day 24 — Whatever tickles your fancy
Day 25 — Your day, in great detail
Day 26 — Your week, in great detail
Day 27 — This month, in great detail
Day 28 — This year, in great detail
Day 29 — Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days
Day 30 — Whatever tickles your fancy

Me.

I am a mistake.

An unexpected expense.

An unwanted expense.

Unnecessary.

And if that is not true. That is how my mother makes me feel.

________________

Everyday, I am struck by the question of where I should, or what I should do.
Do I go to college?
Do I go to university?
How will it look if I go to college...
And you went to university.
I've been told that it is all my choice.
But that is not what I feel...
Not even close.
I could go away.
Or I could stay.
I have more thoughts to leave.
But what if I fail to succeed?

_____________

I don't remember you.
I don't remember you.
I don't remember you.
I don't remember you.
I don't remember you.
I don't remember you.
I don't remember you.
I don't remember you.
I don't remember you.

INSPIRATION

I've decided it's easier to be inspired by a song rather then to try and copy it.

I've been ispired, and I'll write one in this month.

SHAYTARDS

SOOOOOO!

You are now watching the Shaytard Vlog.

Just sit back, relax, follow along.

To the things Shay says to the things he does with a cool family and just because he put his life on line for you.

He's done it for a year, let's hope for two.

I'm ready for a video so let it be clear,

HEY! He's Vlogging Here!

I'm obsessed.

K?

There's just so much stuff that people have to say and never enough time to describe the way they feel. There is never enough time to be.

In everyone's life there is no sense of time, because we can never get a grasp on it.

Can we slow down,

And chill for a while?

Puppet

I feel like I'm a puppet

In your play

In the back

Unnoticed

Not that important

Serving no purpose

Falling

I’m falling into this depression, this state where I don’t care about anything or anyone. The only thing I want to do is lay in bed and sleep away my life. I’ve been falling since last year, and I don’t know when I’ll be pulled out of this pool of sorrows

...Off My Heart

The stars are aligned,

But they don't align for us.

Excuse me, for I am the ocean,

And I will starve for you.

Will you know how to stay brave?

Such fragile moments we share,

And you are my everything,

And with nothing to say.

In The Water I Am Beautiful

And I know its not to get away from me,

You just need a change of scenery.

So strange how everything went wrong so fast,

And I hope that this confusion does not last.

These words might be, too little too late,

And I'm afraid that I have already lost you.

Now three months equals eternity and this will be so hard,

And I will long to hold you in my arms.

When you ask, "do you love me?"

I should reply with "yes, most certainly."

I always hesitate there's something lingering,

And I will try harder to be all that I can be.

These words might be, too little too late,

And I'm afraid that I have already lost you now,

Three months equals eternity and this will be so hard,

And I will long to hold you in my arms.

Connection

there are so many songs that you can listen to

and relate to.

i believe its beautiful when person and sound can connect

i believe its an innate ability for people

i believe only a few people can actually be one with art

whether visual,

musical,

dramatic,

or dance.

when you feel something

hold onto that feeling

cause in 3 minutes it'll be gone.

The Vampire Diaries

This show is just so good.

3/24/2010

today i took two stronger pills, prescribed by the doctor.

and it's not helping.

I've been up since 6.

This looks like I'm going to the emergency room.

This isn't fun.

Not at all.

3/24/2010

today i took two stronger pills, prescribed by the doctor.

and it's not helping.

I've been up since 6.

This looks like I'm going to the emergency room.

This isn't fun.

Not at all.

MIGRAINE.

Yesterday, I got a lovely headache.

It's so much fun to sit in dark; not be able to do anything.

I'm currently sitting on the couch waiting for the strongest medicine in Canada to start working on me.

It's not working.

You're supposed to only take one a day.

But because it's so severe; I took two.

Wow.

This hurts.

I'm trying not to complain.

But I can't help it.

Quitter

I am such a quitter, if you haven't noticed.

I will blog about my days, update my photo's on tumblr about my days.

I need to invest in a flip cam, or a video camera and I will blog my life, for my family. It's a good way to keep my family updated! :]

MARCH BREAK

And I am busy;

I don't know why!

It's supposed to be a break.

But I love it.

Chicka Chicka Yeahhh..

Me.

Today I snooped. I found a blue book, that annoyed me; in my sister's printer. I snooped today. She quotes people. Important things. She quoted me.

She quoted me.

Ohhhh

There are just so many things that I need to change.

I need to do so many things.

I have my list.

I need money.

Oh the things I have to do.

Answer Man

I just finished watching Answer Man. And to be honest, it's a long (1 hour and 45mins) movie... But completely worth it. It's now slow. It keeps you captivated and holding onto every word that they say. Everything you hear from the movie you repeat twice in your head. Every look of their eyes, you remember and study. It's a great movie. *****

I'd rather have bad times with you, than good times with someone else.

I'd rather be beside you in a storm, than safe and warm by myself.

I'd rather have hard times together, than to have it easy apart.

Remember I'd always love you baby, You are the one who hold my heart.

Copy & Paste

some things we don't talk about
better do without
just hold a smile
we're falling in and out of love
the same damn problem

together all the while
you can never say never
why we don't know when
time and time again
younger now then we were before
don't let me go...

far as the eye can see
under your command
i will be your guardian
when all is crumbling
steady your hand

- Allen Tedjo

http://teenswithoutacause.blogspot.com/

Motivation.

What is the best motivation to continue to workout? My goal is to go to the gym three times a week, at least. And if I miss my Monday, Wednesday, Friday, I go Saturday or Sunday.

I started keeping up with it this week. Today is Wednesday, and I skipped Monday, so I went on Tuesday.

I was supposed to be going away this weekend, and because my friend's misbehave so much, they are no longer allowed to go away. (FML) So I plan on going to the gym on Thursday(today) and Saturday or Sunday.

I've been quite proud, I'm keeping up with it. I want to start swimming, but I don't think I'll do that quite yet. I should join a spinning class :] Idea?

One.

One of my many new years resolutions was to spend more time, and take care of my dog.

Do you think I can do it?

I've been going pretty strong so far. I'm still not a fan of walking him, but I'm taking him out a lot more, complaining a lot less, and taking his health into my own hands.

Since I've been home, I've been feeding him yummy healthy goodness.

Today:

He ate, his kibble, cowboy cookout canned doggie goodness, and veggies. MINUS the chip that his "mother" gave to him.

Share your smile.

Why must people be so mean to others? There is no reason for someone to mistreat another human being, or be rude to someone you have never met or laid eyes on.

I understand, that sometimes, retail employees or any employee for that matter, may have a bad day and may not want to go to work. Well, try and make the best of it. Throw out a smile every once in a while, and if you must be miserable, stay home and call in sick. I don't ever condone anyone calling in sick, but if you must take out your anger on the world, then do it! Just don't walk around the store, being miserable, talking under your breath about how you hate your job. Appreciate life enough that you have a job. People are struggling, and starving for jobs. They just want to make money and use it for useful things. Whereas, you are miserable, in a fitting room.. giving people numbers and you are going to use the money you gain to buy a new outfit, or go out with your friends. THUS! Give up, go home, let the store or anywhere else to hire someone who NEEDS it, who DESERVES it. Someone who won't be MISERABLE at work.

Also, if you are someone in a store, just a regular shopper... be courteous. Please! If someone drops a hanger, assist them, pick it up. If you make someone's purse fall, say "sorry." Even if you don't mean it, it's nice NOT to be rude.

Why be rude when you can be a positive, nice person. Why take the low road, by making everyone and everything around you gloomy and sad. Why not be the silver lining in someone's day. Even if you are not in the greatest of moods, find something to make you happy. Find something to make your day, and make someone else's day.

*Always smile, because you never know who is falling in love with it.*

Makeup:

Blending Yellowish Gold, with Green and Blues can make your eyes feel tropical :]

There is so much to do, to figure out, to say, to start, to finish, to succeed in. But how do I get all done?

I dont think I ever will.

Shower time!

Do you ever find it, that the shower is where a lot of amazing thoughts seem to be brought about. Why is it that the shower brings about questions, statements, and in depth thoughts? Is it the steam? Or is it the relaxing-ness of the shower? Is it the water beating down on you?

I wonder... why do we think so much in the shower... and spend less time getting clean?

People Are Going To...

WANT YOU.

NEED YOU.

EXCEED YOU.

TAKE YOU.

LOVE YOU.

HATE YOU.

PLAY YOU.

RATE YOU.

SAVE YOU.

BREAK YOU.

WHY

Why don't you believe that I have talents, passions, or beliefs. I can put my mind to it. And do anything. Anyone can do the same thing. Sometimes, doors are closed, and there are few or no opportunities. But you cannot give up hope. You must continue on. You must carry on. You must succeed. Failure is not an option. (:

TUMBLR

http://curleelocks.tumblr.com/

Settled or Satified?

I used to be that girl who had ambition,

I used to want to do all my homework.

I used to want all the certificates I could get.

I wanted everything from life, and I got it all.

I used to be driven, and I knew what I wanted.

Then, somewhere... I got lost.

Now, I am satisfied being a girl who doesn't know anything.

I'm satisfied with being that bumb girl.

Am I satisfied? Or am I settling?

Love Is The Movement.

We tell the story.

We will be the hopeful.

Our hearts are heavy and light,

We laugh and scream and sing.

TWLOHA

MISSION STATEMENT:

To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery.

VISION:

The vision is that we actually believe these things…

You were created to love and be loved. You were meant to live life in relationship with other people, to know and be known. You need to know that your story is important and that you're part of a bigger story. You need to know that your life matters.

We live in a difficult world, a broken world. My friend Byron is very smart - he says that life is hard for most people most of the time. We believe that everyone can relate to pain, that all of us live with questions, and all of us get stuck in moments. You need to know that you're not alone in the places you feel stuck.

We all wake to the human condition. We wake to mystery and beauty but also to tragedy and loss. Millions of people live with problems of pain. Millions of homes are filled with questions – moments and seasons and cycles that come as thieves and aim to stay. We know that pain is very real. It is our privilege to suggest that hope is real, and that help is real.

You need to know that rescue is possible, that freedom is possible, that God is still in the business of redemption. We're seeing it happen. We're seeing lives change as people get the help they need. People sitting across from a counselor for the first time. People stepping into treatment. In desperate moments, people calling a suicide hotline. We know that the first step to recovery is the hardest to take. We want to say here that it's worth it, that your life is worth fighting for, that it's possible to change.

Beyond treatment, we believe that community is essential, that people need other people, that we were never meant to do life alone.

The vision is that community and hope and help would replace secrets and silence.

The vision is people putting down guns and blades and bottles.

The vision is that we can reduce the suicide rate in America and around the world.

The vision is that we would learn what it means to love our friends, and that we would love ourselves enough to get the help we need.

The vision is better endings. The vision is the restoration of broken families and broken relationships. The vision is people finding life, finding freedom, finding love. The vision is graduation, a Super Bowl, a wedding, a child, a sunrise. The vision is people becoming incredible parents, people breaking cycles, making change.

The vision is the possibility that your best days are ahead.

The vision is the possibility that we're more loved than we'll ever know.

The vision is hope, and hope is real.

You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story.

Two Is Better Than One

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought
"Hey, you know, this could be something"
'Cause everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I'm left with nothing

So maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
And maybe two is better than one
But there's so much time
To figure out the best of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one

I remember every look upon your face
The way you roll your eyes
The way you taste
You make it hard for breathing
'Cause when I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everything's okay
I'm finally now believing

That maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
And maybe two is better than one
But there's so much time
To figure out the best of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one


I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought, "Hey,"

Maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
But there's so much time
To figure out the best of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking
I can't live without you
'Cause, baby, two is better than one
But there's so much time
To figure out the best of my life
But I'll figure it out
When all is said and done
Two is better than one

Two is better than one

Who I Am

I want someone to love me,
For who I am.
I want someone to need me,
Is that so bad?
I wanna break all the madness,
But it's all I have.
I want someone to love me,
For who I am.

Nothing makes sense, nothing makes sense anymore.
Nothing is right, nothing is right when you're gone.
I'm losing my breath, I'm losing my right to be wrong.
I'm frightened to death, I'm frightened that I won't be strong.

I want someone to love me,
For who I am.
I want someone to need me,
Is that so bad?
I wanna break all the madness,
But it's all I have.
I want someone to love me,
For who I am.

I'm shaking it off, I'm shaking off all of the pain.
Breaking my heart, breaking my heart once again.

I want someone to love me,
For who I am.
I want someone to need me,
Is that so bad?
I wanna break all the madness,
But it's all I have.
I want someone to love me,
For who I am.

I want someone to love me,
For who I am.
I want someone to need me,
Is that so bad?
I wanna break all the madness,
But it's all I have.
I want someone to love me,
For who I am.

Trevi Fountain

A tradition legend holds that if visitors throw a coin into the Trevi Fountain, they are ensure to return to Rome.

I remember throwing my coin into the fountain, and an old Italian man sitting to the left of me, to me that I would return to Rome, and if I threw more then one coin... My wish would come true.

I remember my wish. Word for word.

Do you remember, when you were younger and people would tell you "be careful what you wish for..." I heard them, but I didn't listen.

I didn't make my wish clear enough. I did wish for something. And it did come true. But it didn't work out how I wanted it to. I love the Trevi Fountain, and I will return. But I don't know if I will wish for anything again. And if I do, I will be careful for what I wish for.

What If Believing Was Reality

What if everyday was treated like a new beginning, where grudges, bitterness, unforgiveness and worries died the moment your head hit the pillow.

And by the time you had awaken to a new morning, your mind would be renewed. Not lacking knowledge or wisdom from the past, but building on what has been made from prior situations and circumstances.

Each person you would come into contact with, you would treat like it had been the first time you met them. And you first impression and persona would be on the top of its game.

Being kind, loving, unconditional in terms of your friendship, and how things are done to show thanks.

What if we did things without having presumtuous intentions of wanted to be thanked for what had been done.

What if we shared our gifts, just out of love and never had the expectations of wanting to be loved in return, because we had the reassurance of knowing we are already loved, regardless of what we do.

What if our confidence was placed in something bigger then ourselves, so that our dreams weren't limited to our own fears and securities.

What if, believing was reality.

Take A Breath

I walked across the crowded street.
A sea of eyes, they cut through me.
And I saw you in the middle.
Your upset face, you wear it well.
You camouflage the way you feel,
When everything's the matter.

We've all been down that road before.
Searching for that something more.
World's spinning 'round.
There's no sign of slowing down.
So won't you take a breath?
Just take a breath.

People change and promises are broken.
Clouds can move and skies will be wide open.
Don't forget to take a breath.

Blink our eyes, life's rearranged.
To our suprise, it's still OK.
It's the way things happen.
Summer comes and then it goes.
Hold on tight, and brace for cold.
And it's only for a moment.

We've all been down that road before.
Searching for that something more.
World's spinning 'round.
There's no sign of slowing down.
So won't you take a breath?
Just take a breath.

People change and promises are broken.
Clouds can move and skies will be wide open.
Don't forget to take a breath.

Life isn't suffocating.
Air isn't over rated.

World's spinning 'round.
There's no sign of slowing down.
So won't you take a breath?
Just take a breath.

World's spinning 'round.
There's no sign of slowing down.
So won't you take a breath?
Just take a breath.
Take a breath.

People change and promises are broken.
Clouds can move and skies will be wide open.
Don't forget to take a breath.

World's spinning 'round.
There's no sign of slowing down.
So won't you take a breath?
Don't forget to take a breath.
Don't forget to take a breath.

TATTOOS

i got 'em.

written down.

booked.

read to be inked!

TATTOOS

i got 'em.

written down.

booked.

read to be inked!

What I Think Of You

I think it's so stupid that people try and fit a look. A look that they either think will get them in with their friends more, or that suits them... at that particular moment. I hate that if you dress a certain way you must have tattoo's, piercings, and play a guitar or drums. I hate that if I don't wear super tight jeans, and if I don't have every plaid shirt ever made, or if my hair isn't dyed jet black, and is completely straight then I must not listen to punk music, or rock music, or play the guitar. If I dress in Gap clothes, american apparel, and forever 21 or whatever looks cute at a boutique, I shouldn't have piercings or walk around with a pick in my wallet. I hate that just because I own more then one Juicy Couture purse I must automatically not be a gamer, and don't know what boys are talking about when they say "Call of Duty," or "Gears of War," or "Bioshock 2 Multiplayer is probably going to be better then the first, other then the fact that there is no Sprint Mode (BULLCRAP BTW) and it's awesome that the big daddy (yeahhh.. thats his name) comes up in every level and lasts longer." I hate that when I talk to people, and they are shocked about what I know.. they have to look me up and down and make me do a little dance before they believe that I'm not bullshitting them. I hate I have talents and passions and because I am a girl, that dresses a certain way... I don't meet up to your standards. But to me, I don't care, because that just shows that you can't judge a book... or girl... by the cover or her fake tan. And that just goes to show that you dress that way to fit in with your "boys." Sorry to tell you dear, you don't even fit your own profile. You're missing a few things.

Officially Done.

So I applied for a total of 11 programs.

A total of 419.00.

And I still don't know what I want to do.

Nerve Wrecking.

Do you ever get those panic attacks when you see people? I get two kinds. One when I run into someone from the past, whether it be an ex-anything, or just someone who you haven't seen in a while. It's nerve wrecking, and I can actually feel my body freeze up and my heart drop. It drops just a little. But it feels like I've thrown it over the CN Tower. The second kind is when you see someone you know well, or currently talk to. And you just don't know what to say, cause you're passing by them. It's just a build up of inevitable fail and voice cracking. Why I get so worked up over something that others can do in a breeze, I'll never know.

Resolution

I have so many resolutions.

I also have a list of 100 things I want to do this year.

Correction,

Must do.

The Ting Tings

They have a really good c.d.

No matter HOW commercialized they have become.

I'm just sayin'

Comes Love

Comes a rain storm, put your rubbers on your feet.

Comes a snow storm, you can get a little heat.

Comes love, nothing can be done.

Comes a fire, then you know just what to do.

Blow a tire, you can buy another shoe.

Comes love, nothing can be done.

Don't try hidin', 'cause there isn't any use,

You'll start, slidin', when you're heart turns on the juice.

Comes a headache, you can lose it in a day

Comes a toothache, see you dentist right away

Comes love, nothing can be done.

Comes a heat wave, you can hurry to the shore

Comes the summer, you can hide behind the door

Comes love, nothing can be done.

Comes the measels, you can quarantine a room.

Comes a mousey, you can chase it with a broom

Comes love, nothing can be done

That's all, brother, if you've ever been in love.

That's all, brother, you know what i'm speaking of.

Comes a nightmare, you can always stay awake.

Comes depression, you may get another break.

Comes love, nothing can be done.

Nothing can be done.

2010

I don't know how to start this year off with a bang. Until the end of January, that is how you are going to make you're impression, or mark/stance on 2010. I know this year will definitely be more serious, I just don't know how to direct my efforts, other then school. Partying with friends? Or relationships? Does it make me a bad person if I don't know if I want to be tied down? It is bad that I want the best of both worlds, but sometimes... You just can't have that. I'm happy now. For now. That's all I can say about that. But every DAY! It's not that it's doubts, its confusion. Not to worry, only time will tell and reveal what I'm going to do about 2010.

beautiful people.com

"i think looks matter to most people to some degree. granted, you can be and most likely will eventually be attracted to someone's personality. but the truth of the matter is, looks is what originally attracts you to people, more often then not. and for most people, you need to be physically attractive to be with someone."

3 Please!

So during my adventure Downtown Toronto today, my sister and I went to multiple book stores. Of course! So I got three books. 1. A novel. 2. An enriched classic. 3. Instrumental assistance. I'm excited about all three. I'll start reading/using all three, then let you know if they're any good or not.

Sound good?

Updates!!

I've got it all written out,

Tomorrow!

POSTS! :]

Cort L900C 6 Metal String Spruce

Music is a beautiful thing,

Especially when you have a guitar.

Sister Dates

Sometimes, you just need them.

To talk,

To vent,

To laugh,

To be normal.

You need sibling dates to bring you back down to earth.

To keep you grounded.