Holding Back

So I've been telling my friend(s) that I have insecurities. I don't tend to open up to people, the only person who really knows me well is my sister. She's the only person who can basically know what I'm feeling without having to ask me or talk to me. She knows what I feel, why I feel it and she tries to get me out of funks or feeling sad or bad or mad. She's the only thing that can really stop the madness in my head. I actually decided to open up to more then my sister, it was really hard because I don't know how my friends will take it or even if they are willing to understand what I feel. I feel as though I have more problems then a nineteen-year-old should have. Is that reasonable to think that I'm a nut job? I guess it's alright - if it's true.

Anyways, the point is that I physically told myself it's been over a month, and they aren't grossly sick of spending all this time with you, so you HAVE to start telling them the way you feel and what makes you tick. They can't just know the bubbly you, the you that everyone sees and loves until the realize you're a freakin crack-pot on the inside. They need to learn what is behind the smile and wide eyes. So I finally built up the courage to start talking. And the best part is - they or she, understands and makes me feel better about myself. My friends will never be my sister, but they are slowly becoming people that I will be close to and rely on for the rest of my life. I was recently told that I am more independent then I think. I know that I am independent, and I know I will most likely rely on myself - because in the end that's all you've got, is you and you alone. But without them (her), I don't know if I would really find anybody to tell these things too.

After telling her one more thing about the way I feel, I was reading through old things I used to write when I was a kid on the computer, and found a quote that I either saved or created. I love it. I think it's good. It's really descriptive of what I am and what I want.

love me without fear. trust me without doubts. love me without restrictions. want me without demand. accept me how i am.