He realized it.

It's unfortunate how one person can ruin a lifetime of experiences for you. It may not actually be your lifetime, but it certainly is an amount of time that they have made an impression on. I have had some unpleasant experiences with relationships, that's not a secret at all. However, I can't believe how one person can cause such a riff in my system, although gone and not really given any thought unless necessary or being dramatic, it baffles me as to how he can shake me up.

A couple months ago, I learned something not so pleasant on the phone, my friend Steph was in my living room and I truly feel bad for her. The eight hour car ride that I could have made into a blast was me in silence and just thinking in a corner to myself, "What happened? What did I do wrong? What do I do now? What do I need to do?" That isn't even half of what was going on in my head, but that's what I recall currently.

Anyways, that doesn't really matter. The mystery is, how can one person who has caused so many problems for so many months still have an effect on my life. To be dead honest. That situation has made me question everything I have done thus far. I treated some people who liked me like garbage, because if I could have been treated like that, why shouldn't I treat people like that?

I mean, I had a horrible track record after that. And I really took it out on my best friend, Katy, I made her go out with my every Friday and Saturday. But she did it. She would help me pursue, and dance and drink. That's the only way she knew how to help me. She brought me breakfast, made me feel special. And I do credit her a lot, but I credit a lot of my friends as well. They all did everything they could to keep me distracted and keep me happy, to not think about it and to have my back.

But after all that distraction and pain numbing laughter and tequila, it's amazing that I still worry about people. Often times, more than one friend will tell me "You have to remember that he is not him. And not every girl is her." I feel like sometimes, I move too fast, I trust too easily, I love too hard... Or like.

My greatest fear would be for the person I am interested in to wake up and not want to keep talking to me, or seeing me. It may be silly or an irrational fear. But to be honest, that's what I think happened. He just realized it. I hope no one ever has the epiphany ever again.