"You look happy."

Why is it that people seem to be surprised every time I smile in a photo? My mother commented on a photo that we had taken four days ago saying, "You look happy." Like she was surprised, or in awe. And because of the smile on my face she now wants a hard copy of the photo. I think it's a little silly for people to say that I look happy in something so inadequate, such as a photo. Yes a photo can come with a side order of a thousand words and yes a picture can capture a memory forever, but why is it that people are surprised when I'm smiling in one?

You know when people say, "you're acting different." Well, yes, of course I am. I act differently in front of different groups of people. And what sparks that reaction or emotion is a whole slue of different experiences created from that one person or that group of people. The happy I am around my sister is a different happy from a best friend or a boyfriend. The sadness I get from my grandmother is a different sadness from my parents or from school. People cry for different reasons, people act for different reasons.

In my family, if I'm not shining bright as the sun, something is wrong. And even if something really isn't wrong and I'm just tired or thinking about something, then I'm automatically depressed. If I don't want to talk about my day it's not that I hate you, it's that I just left that day and rather not relive every moment of it with you. I suppose the problem has stemmed from me. I was napping in the back of my car a couple weeks ago and woke up to hear my parents talking about me and my problems. Apparently, my number one problem is that I don't say anything when things are upsetting me.

I don't think I am the only person in this world who does it. I've just learned it's better if I don't say anything. Not because I don't want to share but because I feel as though I don't have to burden people with my worries or thoughts. And more often then not, I'm not great at expressing it properly and I end up exploding; saying everything running through my mind, freaking out anyone who is in range of hearing it.

Through experience I've learned that it is better to deal with things yourself. Even if you don't know how. You will figure it out in due time. Time may not heal all or solve all problems, but in time, you sure as hell will figure out what to do with yourself and how to act towards something.

... Boy, do I get off topic real fast. I guess the point of this is that I am happy, but people will evoke different emotions out of me: frustration, happiness, sadness, joy. I wake up happy, every day, but often enough people irritate and the smile will eventually fade until the next sunrise.